updated 11/29/01

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Yeah, I know.. a rip off from Craiggers - but his show is pretty much sucking right now (should have stayed with The Daily Show), so I don't feel nearly as bad as I would normally for stealing his stuff.  I think I could do a better job with it anyway. 

So here it is, my words of wisdom to take you through your day (or couple of days as you will cut me some slack on how often I update this).  You can even ask a specific question to me (via email - not icq) if you want some specific "wisdom" from me. 
Here is some non specific wisdom: 

So last Thanksgiving, while Dad and I were busy playing computer games and waiting until our inevitable dessert plans that we had been invited to while Mom snoozed in front of some Home and Gardening show - I discussed with dad who this person was that we were gonna go see as well as the hideousness of her outfits.

I haven't seen her in a while but I wanted to place some bets with dad that she was most definitely going to be wearing some sort of vest with holiday writing and implied cheer and it will more than likely jingle. I tried to think of other peeps that would also be traipsing in after eating everything in their own house and what their behavioral patterns and various eyesores that they would choose to wrap themselves in.

Then it hit me - what a fabulous idea for a game. You could bet on different antics and traits of the people coming to the dinner before they get there. It's something that the family that's hosting the Thanksgiving dinner can plan for the nite before. It's also something that a dysfunctional gathering can really turn into a fun and manipulative mind game - with your immediate family in the control seat - and your extended family members turn into pawns for your evil whims.

So now you can bet on what guest of yours will be sloshed, who is gonna bring in the cheap tart for a date, and who is gonna try to bow out if the party first. You can get extra points if you can guess what liquor they are on, if you guess correctly that the date's name ends in an "I" or if you can say what excuse the guest will try to push off on you. The list is endless - who has the most food eaten, who eats the least amount of food, which guest makes more disgusting noises.

However, to add to the enjoyment - this is not like your typical "betting on (choose a generic sports event here)." Getting involved is half the battle sometimes. You aren't just watching this game and betting as you see it on a TV - you are actually interacting with the guests so that everything works out to your favor. If you see that you are losing because you voted on Mike to be the first one passed out drunk and you see that your Dad has you beat cuz he is backing Joe who is well on his way to puking in the punch bowl - well you can quickly change your odds and start Mike on a game of quarters with vodka shots. You also can't be so sure that just since you picked Aunt Millie to have the tackiest dress - (and she did) that your brother isn't going to "accidentally" spill cranberry sauce all over the front of it - causing her to have to change into one of your mother's bland and boring housecoats.

The only way the game ends is when the last prediction is made - and not when the guests leave. This is because of the prize involved (which is equally as evil). The person with the most points gets five minutes in the room with all the guests coats to lift all their spare change and whatever other goodies you can find.

There are some inherent flaws with this game. You have to keep it a secret between your family. You don't want your cousin Ralph who has a flatulence problem- to find out that you had been feeding him baked beans so your score card could go up 10 points - he is much bigger than you and might wanna prove it at that point. Also, you have to account for people that don't show up that you have slated for different betting pools and ones that did show up that you weren't expecting at all - so this might make the game a little harder to modify as you can't call a time out over the dinner table and you can't have a group huddle in the living room while your guests are left to wonder what plan you are devising. Also the coats might only contain pocket lint and other assorted "treasures" (i.e. used snot rags) that could make your winning triumph into a laughing and pointing humiliation ordeal.

The possibilities of where this game can go are all up to you, however. You can start a league among other families that are anticipating the same kind of fine dining experience and compare notes later to see who has the most prominent fortune teller skills. It's also a good time for that group therapy experience when recounting such family fiascoes with other dysfunctional households.

I, myself, will never have the joy of playing such a game as we have written off Mom's side of the family and I am hoping mom never invites them back. Dad was an only child - so that puts an end to his side of the family - plus his side is either dying off or afraid to travel within their 10 minute realm of where they live. Actually, when I think about it, the only time I will probably be playing is when I am unaware that there is, in fact, a game going on. I guess I will know when I leave a party and my coat is devoid of change.

Happy playing!

BTW -Got any comments on how can we make this game better?

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