So I was feeling kinda glum that "Survivor" was over and the undeserving ugly fat man won when I get a phone call from my Dad who is all gleeful on the other end. "You gotta come over and see this, Dawn - it's BattleBots and it's way cool." I got the feeling that Dad thought this was an event more significant than when mom brings home the big jug of chocolate syrup from the grocery store - so I took him up on the offer of pizza and flying metal bits last Wednesday.

He wasn't far off base on the cool factor. Thirty minutes of rednecks with too much spare time, too many spare auto parts and not enough dental insurance (I had more teeth then this whole family who built a robot affectionately called "Frenzy"). The proud owners would act like moms at a beauty walk sporting their matching t-shirts and hats in support of their "babies." It was much like WWF (no i don't watch that crap - but you can't help but see it on the fifteen stations that carry it when flipping channels) as the announcers rivaling those of "Celebrity Death Match" on MTV, would carry on about which bot had the advantage (i.e. neat-o name and groovy design), who was gonna win and who had the better hairstyle- making it all the more easy and fun to heckle the screen.

You can't help but want to watch robots with names like "Grey Matter" and "Minion" try to tear into each other like sausages with whatever implement of death they had welded to their machine. If that weren't enough, in the ring there would be various hazzards you could run into that were even worse than what the actual robot could do. Circular saws coming up from the floor at intervals and hammers of death at the sides of the walls were just a few of the things these stainless steel robots would endure (and sometimes implode) should the other robot ram it into one of these destructive devices.

One of the better matches was when a fifteen year-old put his robot - which seemed like it was made out of a cardboard box with silver spray paint - up against a robot that was pure metal and had a swinging ice pick that cut the head of the other guy's robot in the first ten seconds. The even had super-slo-mo repeat of the whole twisted scene. The ice pick robot ultimately won - with one of the points being for decapitation alone.

Since watching the show, dad and I have talked about building such a thing (DragonCon has a similar event - but without the hazzards), and I have put some thought into the more important things (at least what I think is important) the robot should have. I think it should be the most tackiest thing out there in the ring (and believe me, if we include the audience members, this would be quite a feat). Oh sure, it would have a flame thrower as it's weapon of choice, but distraction would be it's key factor in winning. I want to put a huge amount of dashboard junk on it - like swinging dice, bumper stickers, dancing hula girls and most importantly, a huge Jesus figure on the front of it - painted all evil and obviously not like it was in the store when it was bought. I would call it the "Metal Messiah." Then I thought Dad and I should have matching pink lab coats complete with flames on the bottom with WWJD (What Would Jesus Do)on the front collar of it and on the back it would have "He Surely Wouldn't Approve of This." What a fabulous way to make a splash on entry to this weird culture (and then of course a speedy exit as I am sure the Metal Messiah wouldn't even hold together when it tried to roll forward with all the crap on it).

I, of course, shared my great vision with my Dad, but much to my chagrin (though not suprising) Dad looks at me in much the same way that I glare at small children who are attempting to make contact with me and said "I don't think so, Dawn." Oh well... I can still make the lab coats. :)