Chattanooga, Tennessee - January 12 - 14, 2001

I didn't go to Chattacon last year due to low fundage - but I think I more than made up for lost time. I have done more body shots and shooters that weekend than I think in the last two conventions combined. It is all pretty evident in the pictures I took - as most of them show me with a goofy grin on my face instead of the all knowing smirk I usually put on for the camera.

This all started with a bet I made with the Reverend and we were going to see if he could accomplish it by the time this convention rolled around. Since we were both going and I was on his way up there, we decided to come and pick me up on the way there. It was kinda like having a date for this thing - neat. This is what happened on the ride up.

When we get there, we don't have a room because someone forgot to reserve one (no... not me) and so we were relying on the kindness of the Fantasm Crew to help us out. Luckily, we were saved from sleeping on a floor by the sheer luck of someone canceling right as the Reverend was shamelessly begging for a room from the front desk. Groovy.

Of course, if you didn't know, the reverend's super power is the fact that an instant bar follows him around wherever he goes - and that was his first order of business. So within fifteen minutes of entering the room - he has the bar professionally set up even before I have unpacked my laptop. What a gift the reverend has of organization and love of booze.

More liqueur than you can choke a cow with - and still have some left over to nurse the hangover.

After wards, we went off to a restaurant with Tracey, Chris and Roger (a.k.a Mr. Smut) where I had to actually convince the waitress that I was indeed over 21 and not to make me trudge back to the hotel 3 blocks away when I wasn't even drinking there (too much free alcohol at the hotel). I attribute it to the big raver pants I bought myself earlier that week. I am trying to be 19 again - and apparently it worked only too well. She did let me stay after she saw that everyone I was hanging out with was over 28 and pointed out to them that they looked old. Ha Ha Ha. I gotta get me more pairs of these pants.

Tracey, an unidentified woman and Roger (aka Mr. Smut)

We got back to the hotel and on the way to the elevator, I was met by the O'Shays. They are a truly fabulous couple (Roxanne and Sean) that throw a themed party that kicks ass every Chattacon. It's such a cool party, that you need an invite to get through the door. And their invites aren't just scraps of paper - they are cool collectibles that go with the theme. One year they gave out martini glasses for their martini party, another year they gave out coffee mugs for their Beatnik Coffee house party. This year was called Judgment Day and they gave me a Subpoena that had all the info on it. I was very honored as they don't invite everyone, and you can't get in as a friend of someone with an invite.

I decided on my gray sparkly coat-evening gown combo and the Reverend wore something very 1964 (how unusual). We got there an hour after the party started (I always arrive to parties late) and were shown two rooms - one was heaven and one was hell. Hell served the alcohol. You figure out where I spent most of my evening.

Sean whipped up some fabulous chocolate martinis for me and they tasted divine. That's the dangerous part as they had me pretty messed up within an hour. Reverend and I left after I embarrassed myself with one of the party guests. Sometimes I stick my foot in my mouth and then their are times when it seems to be surgically implanted. I was commenting to someone about how the themes of the O'shays' parties are always so unique and different and asked how many she had been to (this was my third). She replied that she had been to all of them. I asked her how long she had known them and that's when she told me her name was Sheila and Sean was her brother. DOH!!!

Teresa, Bonnie and I being all sparkly

Reverend led me away to the Fantasm Crew's room (Bonnie, Chris and Teresa) where he regaled us with stories of Triumph the Insult Dog and his most treasured moments of TV Funhouse. We also talked about how we would like to put one over on the executives at FOX and get on Temptation Island - but that's another Moment for Us.

Teresa and a big red cup of alcohol

Chris introduced me to a lot of their new friends (well new to me anyway) from Athens/Atlanta - one of them being this yummy guy named Jeff who liked to wear a red plastic monkey from the 70's game Barrel of Monkeys as a decorative choker pendant (you know how bright things catch my attention easily). Teresa also brought Andy - who proved later to be very good at the body shot game.

Jeff and Andy

After drinking many of those chocolate martinis - I passed out around 4am but when I woke up the next morning - I wasn't nearly as hungover as I thought I would be - but I still spent a good chunk of my afternoon playing on my laptop and selling my soul on soulxchange.com (much to the Reverend's dismay).

Jeff, me and Chris - and we are without drinks in this pic.. how unusual

We went out to lunch at Friday's and after much deliberation on my part - decided to go to the I-Max theater where I knew I would be viewing 3d undersea life. I am very afraid of sharks and was going to test the absorbency of my pants at that theater. It all ended well, I just didn't open my eyes once the "larger than life and in my face" shark came swimming up to the screen and the Reverend's shoulder sockets seemed to take the shock of me twisting them with little bruising- so all in all, it was a success.

The Reverend and I went with the Fantasm Crew to eat dinner at this restaurant that Anastasia called "a glorified Star Bucks" - the mocha latte did the trick of waking me up - but their food sucked horribly.

Me and The Reverend - before the partying

and then after the partying is done.

Once we got back to the hotel, I dressed in my Dalmatian fur outfit and the Reverend dressed in another variation of an outfit that Roy Orbison would have been proud of. First stop was the Fantasm Room. Once again, Bonnie and Teresa were dragging their feet and it took them an hour to get to the makeup stage. I was getting rather impatient - so they gave me a book of sexual oddities to read to pass the time. Jeff let me sip off of some sort of vodka monstrosity - so time flew by.

Bonnie, Teresa and I made our way to the fifth floor to scope out a place for the impromptu body shot party. This is when the party really got rocking. After visiting the Alien Party and the Pajama party (me and rev decided to change for that later) Bonnie and Teresa declared the hallway in front of the two parties as "fair game."

While setting up, I was accosted by this guy named Vince who was digging around in his backpack to give me a "surprise." I was a little apprehensive - and had every right to be. He pulls out a massive hot pink penis shaped candle and explains that he was looking for me last year to give me one - but that I never showed. I was kinda speechless after this. To make matters even more surreal, he explains that it's a mold of his own dick. OMG. While I was laughing he pulls out another penis shaped thingy and tells me it's the prototype for his new penis soap-on-a-rope project. I wasn't the only one to get a candle - Teresa got a purple one. I thanked him through peals of laughter and then went to help out bonnie and Teresa drink more shooters.

Reverend took this pic of me by surprise - look how jubilant I am - big red cup of alcohol and a penis candle - what more do I need?

Here is Vince showing us his Penis-Soap-on-a-Rope with unidentified friend.

Unfortunately, I would forget that the candle was in my hand and would start talking to people and using it to gesture as I always talk with my hands. The Reverend later told me that if you didn't know me - it looked like I was bullying people with it. At that point I realized that I needed to put it away before I hurt someone unintentionally with it.

During the course of the evening, I met some really cool people. One of them being this hot gay guy named Brady. We were both wearing silver and together we looked fabulous. Too bad I wasn't his type.

Brady and I putting other costumes to shame.

Then I met Muranda - who was with the group N9 throwing the Pajama party. She had heard about me before and I am glad we met - next time I am in Atlanta, she promises to take me clubbing. The Pajama party was quite interesting. One of the key interests was to ask for a drink from the bartender who was situated at the adjoining door to the next room. If you were there at the right time waiting for your everclear and koolaid - you could view some.. um... well... let's just say that the room was used for things that you can't get on any cable channel. Brady was in that room a lot. (smirk).

Here is where the pictures take over as the story. These are all scenes from the body shot party both in the hallway and when Farshad gave up his suite to have the party in. Farshad also has his own collection of pics up here.

"Find a place to put the whip cream already."

Reverend looks so goofy with a cherry in his mouth...

...so I took it from him

Reverend does the body shot with Teresa

C'mon - you would have chosen his Mr. Clean head to lick the whip cream from too.

However, Teresa always has the better place to put the whip cream - on anastasia's back.

The look on T's face is priceless

While at Farshad's room, I ran into a guy (Tristin) that I thought hated me and vice versa. It turned out that we only hated each other cuz we thought the other one did. I am not sure why this evolved to that - but we rectified the situation and now we don't scowl at each other anymore when we see each other in the hallway.

Here Tristin and I make our peace.

Also, during the party, a girl that I didn't know plopped down in a chair that was a front row seat for the body shot stage - and proceeded to pull out a book. I was shocked and horrified that this woman was pulling out reading material in the middle of a party. I demanded to know what she was doing. What was she thinking? I introduced myself (her name was Adrienne) and I convinced her to put it away and then bonnie convinced her to party with us in the bathroom where the Reverend later got some champagne (we didn't want to share our champagne with anyone and we hid in there) for our bathroom suaree.

Bonnie, me and champagne dreams

I really can't tell much after this as I ran out of film and I went to bed around 2am. I can tell you that on the car ride back I laughed my ass off with the Reverend while listening to Bjork remixes. The funniest thing the Reverend said was that he didn't like listening to the guy on the Bjork CD cuz it sounded like if you were to talk to him he would be loud, oppressive and make you listen to his weird silly views even if you didn't want to. --- You just described yourself, Reverend.

I learned that without the Fantasm Crew and Farshad- this con would have probably sucked ass, that when I get too drunk I grin like a mad banshee, that it's all cool when you say you will remember someone - but it's tons better to have a piece of paper and pen handy to remember for a convention reivew and last but not least - that there really are some people with too much free time on their hands and wax to play with.

The Reverend - for all the good times he brings with him

Farshad - for throwing a most excellent party

Fantasm Crew (Bonnie, Chris and Teresa) - for the ingredients and people to make a good party and introducing me to Jeff

Jeff - for being Jeff

Well, I was informed that there is a party in Atlanta with the Fantasm Crew on February 10, 2001. I am not sure if it will be a write up or just a pictorial moment for us or just a blurb on the message board - but that's where I will be. Details later.